About Me

More than a decade ago something happened to me. It was as if I was touched with a magic wand that awakened a part of me that was sleeping until then. It felt like all my life I was trying to get somewhere, constantly running toward something, and then all of a sudden I had stopped. As if I was seeing everything for the first time. I remember noticing the rain and then feeling like I've never noticed it before. Or the fresh scent of the air after the rain... It was as if I had never existed in the now moment until then.

Many years later I realized that this was an awakening. It was beautiful, amazing but also terribly confusing at first. I had no idea what was happening to me. It was not only the rain and the flowers that I was seeing and feeling for the first time, but also other things in my life like my furniture, my job, my friends, my habits, my marriage and even my values... Looking at all these with new eyes from that awakened part of me, some of them felt so foreign, so distant, so unfitting, so meaningless. It was no longer possible for me to continue living a life that did not fit with me, that felt so empty. It was as if I woke up one day to find all those things that I had built my life upon were totally meaningless, empty hot air balloons. In a matter of months, many things in my life, including my marriage started to fall apart. Literally disintegrate before me.

As you can imagine, I was totally confused about all this. Well, "confused" seriously underestimates my experience. I felt lost. It felt like there was nothing left in my life that I could hold on to. I thought I was going crazy. But I had a degree in Psychology so I knew better than to go to a Psychiatrist and become even more screwed up. Partly from knowing better, and partly intuitively I also stayed away from drugs, anti-depressants or even alcohol. I knew what I needed the most was clarity at this time, and all these would take that away from me. Even though it got extremely painful at times, I did not want to numb the pain, escape or forget what was happening to me. I wanted to understand.

At the time, there was very little out there that would help me understand what I was going through. Again, partly from knowing better, and partly intuitively I stayed away from old teachings, gurus, and even new-age self-help groups that were just emerging. In the midst of all the confusion and turmoil I was going through, one thing was very clear to me: I did not need any leader or guide or teaching to show me the way, because what I was seeking was not 'out there' anywhere, it was inside. All I wanted was to understand what was going on inside of me. I wanted to understand this wildly amazing thing that was emerging within me. This was a journey I was taking to discover that part of me which was totally hidden from my awareness until now. This was one journey that I had to do on my own. No one else could guide me or show me the way in there other than myself.

It was at this time that I discovered astrology. Until then, my interest and knowledge of astrology was near to none. Since my teenage years I hadn't even once checked my horoscope. I have to admit, until then, if I met someone who took astrology (or even anything remotely spiritual) seriously I would think that person was unstable and in need of psychological guidance. This attitude that I used to call 'reason and common sense' was one of the first things I dropped like dropping a really heavy sack of good-for-nothing rotten potatoes that I was carrying totally out of habit, which was unnecessarily weighing me down at a time when I needed to be free and light as a feather. It was one among several other belief systems I dropped with an utter sense of relief and lightness. I don't think I could have taken this inner journey if I continued to hold on to such BS (Belief Systems ;) ).

Right when I was feeling utterly lost, madly confused and desperately frightened, a friend gave me my horoscope reading for that year out of fun. I was so amazed to see how some of the things written there were describing what I was going through to a T. I had to know how this could be. So I started to study astrology. I must have been a skilled astrologer in my past lives, because within a couple of months I was reading charts with ease just after a glance. I would look at a chart and instead see the sky adorned with the stars that all gathered together to tell me their story. I was absolutely fascinated by the richness and the depth of what I was seeing there.

From that moment on, the planets became my closest friends in the tough inward journey I was taking. I knew they were there watching over me no matter where I went. I knew I would never be lost because they would always be there to show me the way. So many times I found the moon greeting me with the most beautiful smile on her face when I turned a rough corner, or the full moon shining its light upon me when I thought I was lost in a dark alley, as if to tell me I was on the right path and that everything was perfectly well.

That's when I learned that all the planets are there to serve us and support us all the way all the time. There is nothing about them that is there to bring into our lives unnecessary difficulty or pain.They are not there to teach us lessons, or to test us in anyway, or to take our power away from us, or to lead us into traps or illusions. They are there to unconditionally support us in this amazing human journey toward discovering our true self, reaching full awareness of our soul, and living life in the full completeness, freedom, and joy this awareness brings.